From my journal:3-2-06

I was driving back to the hotel this afternoon and suddenly I felt the gaping hole of emptiness. The road was still there in front of me; the cars in front of me still moved like doped sheep on their way home, but in that space between my mind and the scene in front of me I felt the absence of something. It was Crispin. I felt as if the world were missing something and unaware of it. That happiness and exuberant love he always had, that spring in his step and swing of his tail gone for good. I thought of a bright star in a sky full of stars that suddenly implodes and leaves in its place a gaping hole. Who would miss or notice the absence of this one pitifully small star? I do. Because my eye was fixed on it and only saw its shine.
I missed that star today and felt the pull of the black hole and cried little selfish tears because I wasn't there to see it go out.